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Lunchbox67 Profile
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How Do We Break the Chain?


Brothers and Sisters - got a question. How do we help teenagers break the chain of abuse? From boys learning from abusive fathers, to girls that see their mom being abused.
        My daughter's friends Pineapple and Trigger (nick names we at the church have given them) have been dating. Last friday I picked up Pineapple from Triggers house. She said they were playing around when Trigger put his hands around her throat and would not quit. When I inquired the next day what the situation was, my daughter says "It's both of them. They both are wacked" I asked her "Did he or didnt he put his hands around her neck?" she said yes; but Pineapple was being melodramatic and that they both were at fault. Now, Trigger is always pleasant around me, and I know that he is a mischivious kid, that he is very good at saying the right things all the time. I am not fooled by that. Had enough friends in HS like that. Pineapple is, from my experiences, distrustful of adults, low self esteem, and hurting somewhere, somehow. The Pastor at our church was talking with the two on Sunday and he observed that while Pineapple stood with her head down and listened, Trigger did all the talking for her and himself as well. It's almost like her selfworth is wrapped up in being Triggers girlfriend. Not much is known about their family lives. Cracks about Triggers father were said " Trigger is as ignorant as his dad..." I pray that somehow, we can reach these two. How can we get it thru that the path that they are walking is a bad one.
       Was there ever something that someone said to you in your past that made you sit up and take notice? These kids are talked at, time and again, about this very subject, along with drugs and alcohol. The most profound thing that was said to me regarding the abuse of drugs came from a peer, when he pointed out a boy that was crawling on the floor drooling, that the boy had once been into skating and surfing and all kinds of sports until he got into acid, and what I saw on the floor was all that was left of him. But its like the kids are sooo immune to lectures, immune to the "Just Say No" campaign, and its heartbreaking. Anyone have any suggestions? Any and all would be appreciated.
Lunch
Dec/4/2003, 8:12 am Link to this post Send Email to Lunchbox67   Send PM to Lunchbox67 MSN
 
pastorfreak Profile
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Re: How Do We Break the Chain?


My answer may seem simple but when thought about it is the only answer spend some time with them, hang out show them how to live. If this is all they have seen in life it is natural for them to do it themselves. Todays society doesnt understand that these kids are hammered by everything then we take them Jesus as a nice little weak guy who loves them, instead of the King of kings and Lord of lords (not saying you are doing this). But just spend time with them take them places go their homes let them come to your homes. Even my Son has issues and he has helped me forever and guess what we also have issues. Most have no idea what these kids face every single day, but if you hang with them they will let you know after they trust you.

Just my opinion from my experience, I will be praying for you.

Hey another idea find some big freaky looking guy to come down and speak to the Youth Group about things, maybe someone who lives in Michigan or something, that could come down and scare the hell out of them no I mean literally!!! How was that for open exploitation of oneself, HA HA.

Freak
Dec/4/2003, 11:08 am Link to this post Send Email to pastorfreak   Send PM to pastorfreak
 
Lunchbox67 Profile
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Re: How Do We Break the Chain?


Brother - name a date and time. Unlike the church I went to in CA, I have a little more influence on who may speak at our church. We also have an AA group that meets at our church on Sundays. This would be right in line with growth at our church. We love to eat, so come with an appetite. By the way, am I the only member in the St. Louis area? Out of the 500 or so members, I stand alone? Not to say that the brothers and sisters I have here in cyberspace dont count, just that I love to hug and laugh, and of course, eat, among other things, with all my brothers and sisters in Christ. Physical contact is sooooooo good.
In Christ -
Lunch
Dec/4/2003, 11:34 am Link to this post Send Email to Lunchbox67   Send PM to Lunchbox67 MSN
 
pastorfreak Profile
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Re: How Do We Break the Chain?


Let me know what is best for you for next spring or early summer so I can ride down for this nothing riding in on a big loud Harley with Ape Hangers to get attention!!!

Freak
Dec/4/2003, 12:42 pm Link to this post Send Email to pastorfreak   Send PM to pastorfreak
 
tattooed xian Profile
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Re: How Do We Break the Chain?


Everything sounds great as suggstions and here is another. It sounds to me like a someone should get pineapple away from Trigger for an afternoon, possibly another female. Trust and truth are critical as a teenager can smell an "adult with an agenda" a mile away. The last thing you want is "manufactured kindness" in the name of the gospel. And lastly, before you talk too much about God's love, smother them in yours.
Dec/15/2003, 7:34 am Link to this post Send Email to tattooed xian   Send PM to tattooed xian Yahoo
 
pastorfreak Profile
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Re: How Do We Break the Chain?


I think it is obvious that Lunchbox has showed them her love and is showing her love to them in the posting she made. She is also interested in showing them God's love I pray we find more people that are willing to show love the way Lunchbox is, most are only willing to say they love them (and some not even that it is a job for them) and set around and talk about them afterward about how sad it is that they are living that way etc. Lunchbox is being part of their lives and having worked with teens and others for about 20 years now I can say she is doing an awesome job and for her to keep up with what she is doing. Grinning and all.

One thing most people do not understand is that Salvation is a here and now thing not just a way to get to heaven someday but a way to change their way of thinking and living here and now. I think Lunchbox is doing just that by loving and feeling for these kids the way she is. It is refreshing to see someone ask for others I see so many people treat God as a Santa Clause type God and ask only for themselves. I am seeing more and more people asking for others and it is great. I am praying for Lunchbox and her efforts combined with God's love and support she will change the city in which she lives!!!

Go get em Lunchy,

Freak
Dec/15/2003, 11:23 am Link to this post Send Email to pastorfreak   Send PM to pastorfreak
 
wAnT2BbRokEn Profile
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posticon Re: How Do We Break the Chain?


First of all, since I am new here I'll introduce myself...my name is Esther and I am a volunteer for the Youth For Christ organization. For those of you who aren't familair with it, it's a teen outreach program. Basically it's all about bringing kids to know Christ by forming relationships with the kids.

My advice is short and sweet. You obviously care about these kids which is the first step. Now, you just need to connect with the female. Did you mention ages or who these kids are in relation to you? I would spend some time with the female. Ask her to go see a movie or do some christmas shopping together. Heck, it doesn't take much to get there attention...ask her over to help you with a project of some kind you're working on or bake some christmas cookies or something. By allowing her an opportunity to get to know you, she will eventually start to trust you and start opening up to you.

Good luck!
-Esther
Dec/15/2003, 2:17 pm Link to this post Send Email to wAnT2BbRokEn   Send PM to wAnT2BbRokEn
 
Lunchbox 67 Profile
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Re: How Do We Break the Chain?


Thank You Everyone! Got me grinning again! Had a momentary frown. I will keep doing what I am doing, and praying, and reading His word. Pineapple has been absent from the church group since I posted. My daughter is talking to her daily though, and I hope that this connection will help. My daughter is a blessing! Brutally honest with her friends. But she must be doing something right, cause they keep contacting her either by phone, Instant Messenger, or at school. Is there anyone out there that has been a victim of this kind of abuse(mental or physical or both)mentioned above?
Thank You Lord for helping!
In Christ -
Lunch
(I know I mentioned I was grinning! Still)

PS - Welcome to the CTA Esther!!! Hope to get to know you better!
Dec/18/2003, 12:42 pm Link to this post Send Email to Lunchbox 67   Send PM to Lunchbox 67
 
earringfella Profile
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Re: How Do We Break the Chain?


Another thing is: having more than one friendly adult person around when dealing with kids with emotional problems.

There are some teens that my heart sincerely and purely goes out to, that they might be encouraged before the Lord. But I have to 'edit' my words, feelings and actions in case it is construed wrongly.

In North America and northern Europe, people are more reserved in the northern areas. In the Southern States, and in Mediterranean Europe, some people are maybe naturally more tactile and 'huggy'. Culture has a lot to do with it. I went to France and found myself being hugged by men I hardly knew. In Northern Europe and in some parts of the US that would be unusual, but not in France or southern Europe. In Mediterranean countries a hug can be merely the cultural equivalent of 'Howdy? How are ya? Put it there.'

I guess that a Mediterranean person going north and hugging teens and forgetting that s/he isn't in a Mediterranean culture would in some circumstances risk being accused of behaving inappropriately.

But someone from parts of North America or northern Europe going to Mediterranean areas of Europe may come across as cold and unfriendly if they strongly resist being hugged by friendly acquaintances. Hugging is just one aspect.

How people relate to one another depends a lot on culture.

There ARE instances of inappropriate behavior in every culture, but people, Christians especially, need to be discerning, especially when around young people.

---
Trust the Bible.
Dec/18/2003, 1:00 pm Link to this post Send Email to earringfella   Send PM to earringfella
 
pastorfreak Profile
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Re: How Do We Break the Chain?


Lets look at this from a Biblical standpoint are we going to let society tell us how to act or us influence how Society acts. When there is someone who needs a hug I hug them if someone needs a hand shake I give it to them I ALWAYS make sure someone else is there to make sure nothing is said. We are falling into a habit where the world is telling us what to do instead of the other way around the Gates (Authority) of hell itself WILL NOT prevail agaisnt the Church which as GUTS ministeries puts it makes us tougher than hell!!! THe Bible even says greet each other will a kiss it doesnt mean stick your tongue in their mouth (sorry for being gross) but give them a kiss on the cheek or some other loving jesture when we decide we cant hug someone or show them love the chuch will die that is what we are known for the Diciples of Jesus Christ are to be known for their love for each other. I say if a child needs a hug give it to them watch your hands watch what you say watch what you think and love them. Make sure nothing can be taken out of context by having other around and never give them the indication that you love them more than as a Brother or Sister in Christ. If you cant so this with a clear mind or your thoughts go where they shouldnt then by all means DONT DO IT. My thoughts.

Freak
Dec/18/2003, 1:37 pm Link to this post Send Email to pastorfreak   Send PM to pastorfreak
 


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